|Monday, August 18, 2003
3:00 in the morning - yawn
School starts tonight :) I have Spanish Class. I am excited about that! It will be a long day though, unpacking and trying to settle back in! The most exciting news of the day and week is that my goals for the upcoming year and beyond are almost finished! I will post them tonight.
If this web site lasts beyond a few months, then one day perhaps someone will be reading this and wondering why I wrote so much about myself onto these pages. The web site is being created for my family and friends, in Canada and America. It is hard for everyone to keep up with what is going on. There are a lot of personal battles right now and this seems to be the best way for everyone to stay on the same page - and for me get through these difficult days. It is a safety net for me and for everyone involved. Perhaps one day I will look back and these pages and wonder how in the world I ever got from point A to B. Perhaps this will remind me of that road that we traveled down.
They say that writing down
your thoughts is therapy in itself. I think that I would agree
Meet The Dream Team - on the front lines of all of the legal battles - these are the angels that are fighting for my freedom!
David (seen above)
I spent a lot of time working on my goals for the year ahead. I hope everyone can take the time to carefully read them. The goals are divided into sections.
I would ask that my friends and family read them and support me on the decisions that I have made. This is the next step for me in this long process.
I went to eat out with my grandmother. She was glad to see me again. I think she thought the sharks ate me :)
Ordered some books today, one by Bill Wilson who runs a huge ministry in New York City. The book is called "whose child is this" It is an amazing book. I remember reading it about 10 years ago. It had a strong influence on me at the time. This book contains the poem/story "The Starfish".
Also ordered books written by Craig Kielburger, the founder of Kids Can Free The Children."
Class starts in a few hours - photography class. Should be fun!
we must always realize that we can do
"Wish I Didn't Miss You Anymore"
Today has been just about the hardest day since I left Toronto. I miss everyone so much that it hurts. Much like I used to dream of one day returning home, to see my family, I now dream of returning to Toronto to see my other family.
I think about all of the wonderful times
that I have had in Toronto with my friends - my extended family.
I miss sitting on the back patio at 19 Earl Street looking up at the sky, catching a wiff of Doug's cigarette smoke as it drifts skyward, thinking about my family hundreds of miles away, asking Doug if he thinks I will ever be truly free - listening to Doug tell me "you're already free."
I miss driving down a road in Waterloo, coming across a covered bridge in the middle of nowhere. Pulling over to the side, getting out of the car and taking some pictures. Watching David watching me. Wondering what he is thinking but already knowing. The same thing he is always thinking about - setting me free. Getting me through this difficult time.
I miss walking over to Normans on Monday
Nights to watch television. Listening to David Letterman's secretary
asking the loser off of the show Survivor "Did you see or pet any
monkeys" Norman laughing, me snickering. "She always says that"
I can't eatI can't sleepI wish I didn't miss you anymore - as the song goes
I know this is all part of it. This is where I am supposed to be, this is the road that will lead us to our destination. But, it doesn't make it any easier.
One day soon I will be able to return to Toronto and sit on my back patio and listen to Doug tell me "well you're freenow what are you going to do with that freedom" And me, well - I will just smile and say "burn DougI'm going to burn for you and everyone else"
"Do you wanna be a poet and write
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Can you believe that August is almost over? Fall is going to be here soon. I love fall. The weather cools down a bit, no humidity, the leaves start to change colors :) It is beautiful outside. Imagine photography class, nicer weather, leaves changing - should make for some great photographs! Oh and don't forget after fall comes winter! I can have some snow again????
I have to admit it seems like we were just scraping ice and snow off the sidewalks up in Toronto! Perhaps if summer were to hang on just a little bit longer!
Working on multiple projects here, busy as ever. Busy is good though.
Heard from a friend down in Key West, that is moving to Toronto. Course I am not in Toronto right now, so that doesn't help him out any. I told him that I would be back though - one day.
I am now waiting on Brett to contact David and myself - to review the motion.
we are finished reviewing the motion, Brett will file it. A court date
will then be set. This means that we will likely be in court during the
next few months. I have been thinking September. We shall see.
There is so much to do, I guess I will have to make a list.
Currently working on the Youth Inspirations web-site. Trying to come up with a name for the site, which is proving to be difficult. I am sure I will figure it out.
Also working on a lot of photography projects, the place is a mess :) Messy is good though - at least in this case.
The world is a beautiful place, so much to see, so much to do, so little time. Don't wait for life to bring things to your doorstep -go out and make them happen!
The sun will set, whether you are watching it or not.
Friday, August 22, 2003
Hi everyone, hope everyone that is reading this is having a Happy Friday!
Things are moving pretty fast on the legal front and elsewhere.
My energy level is building to extreme levels. It is a mix of excitement and fear. I can tell a difference with each day that passes. I am probably going to be climbing the walls by the time we get to court.
I am waiting on word from Brett, as to when he is going to file his motion. It won't be much longer now. We are going to review it before he files it.
I assume that it will be filed next week.
Otherwise, working on multiple projects around here and staying busy.
Had dinner with mother last night, we went
to Whalers Catch. We had fun, visiting and catching up on the
latest gossip. I mean news! :)
Just received word, the motion to suppress
will be filed by next Friday, the 29th of August. Brett will likely have a
hearing date by early next week - BEFORE he files the motion.
We are going to be in court soon. I am anxious to get through all of this
and move on with my life.
Emotions are strong. I have waited
years for this day - all the sadness - all the tears - waiting for this
day. I think of all the days when the sun used to set - tossing and
turning, emotions were strong - I knew I had to hold on. Waiting for this
Deena had severe thunderstorm warnings for her county, watching radar the rotating storm was about 15 miles to her east. No damage at her place.
Here are some lightning photos I took
this evening (Mariah was with me) check
out the color of the sky!
Going to the movies with the kids.
Had a great time today with the family, took some photos but for some reason they will not download from my camera.
We went to eat out. Deena, Dylan, Danielle, Tyler, Mother and Grandmother. After we finished doing that Dylan, Mariah, Mother, Grandmother and myself went to see Pirates of the Caribbean. It was a great movie.
Everyone had a great day!
When You Believe
Many nights we prayed
Sunny outside this morning, should be a nice day, though a bit warm. It is August you know so what should we expect! Hot weather!
I am jealous of my friends up on Toronto, it is cooler up there the cold front went through! Must be nice oh well ;) fall is not far off! My favorite time of the year, next to Winter and Spring of course :)
A lot going on this week and next. Norman is having eye surgery, so everyone say a prayer for Norman. :) Hopefully this will improve his eyes so much he can race cars again oops wait that is someone else. I meant so he can play the organ again. :)
We will also be hearing from Brett this week. :) I am anxious, but I think everyone knows that already! lol (lol means lots of laughs for those who don't know already)
I was going through some of my boxes and I came across this photograph. I wonder if anyone knows where this was taken! :)
An adventure of a day that was (ok so if you recognize this photo, that I took, email me and let me know where it was taken)
Late update here :) 2 a.m.
David figured out where that photo was from :)
Well that is correct! What a day
that was, lots of fun!
1:30 PM - AUGUST 25, 2003
The judge could rule on that Friday Afternoon, but more likely on the following Monday.
This is it - September 5th, 2003 is the day we have been waiting for!
Meeting with an accountant today to figure out my past taxes. While I was in Canada, of course, I didn't file. I was a missing person during that time. So we have to figure out how to handle all of this.
Otherwise, I now have, in my hands, the
Motion To Suppress from my attorney Brett Bloomston! I will be reviewing
this and sending Brett my response to it. Brett will then file this on
Friday. The beginning of the end. I know some people are concerned
about what is going to happen. I am not worried. I know in my heart
that this is going to work out.
Less than 4 months ago, I sat in my bedroom, at 19 Earl Street in Toronto, Canada, and watched in great sadness as a tornado ripped through the heart of Massac County.
Mother on one phone, Dione on another phone, Deena online - I listened to sirens wailing in the background as my family wondered who would be hit next.
Heartbroken, I knew that something had to change for the sake of my familyfor the sake of me, for the sake of my friends. Throwing caution to the wind I walked down a path that would soon become know as "the journey". I made the decision to confront my past - head on.
I did not know, four months ago, where this journey would take me. All I knew was that I was tired, I was beaten down and I was hearing that little voice inside of me. That voice that has never been wrong, never let me down, and has always been present. It was telling me that now was the time.
I needed to see things not with my eyes but with my heart.
It did not matter that I could not "see". It only mattered that I could hear.
And so I heard and listened.
I placed myself into the arms of the angels. I placed myself in the hands of something bigger than me.
On June 11th I found myself in a new world, on a new path, and at peace with myself.
Now, two months later, we are nearing an end to this chapter in my life.
How many nights I dreamed to be where I am right now. How many tears were shed, how many prayers were said to get me to where I am now? Only Heaven itself knows.
I am deeply, profoundly, humbled by the legion of Angels that surround me, not only the ones that can't be seen, but those that can. I had tears in my eyes more than once today thinking about what David, Norman, and Doug have done for me over the past three years. How they literally took me in, protected me, no questions asked. They looked beyond my past and saw only my future. They saw something beautiful inside of me, they reminded me of who I am, not what I was. They chose to sacrifice of themselves to join me on this journey. Knowing that there would be great sadness and heartache. Knowing that it would not be easy. All of this undeserving on my part. All of this because of friendship and love.
In the arms of the angels, my family, who have all forgiven me for what I put them through. I fall to my knees knowing that I am where no man should ever find himself but thankful that I have been through something that has forever changed my life.
There are angels
On September 5th, another angel will stand on my behalf and will argue not only for justice but for mercy as well. I only have to look at what Brett and Kristy have done for me and been through for me, to know that I am fortunate to have friends such as these.
I am right where I am supposed to be tonight
In the arms of the angels
Thunderstorms here this evening. Loud thunder, four close lightning strikes, shaking the walls! Speaking of shaking the walls a small earthquake shook Paducah Monday night about 11 pm. It measured 3.1 on the scale. Mother said it sounded like a loud boom, I had my music too loud. I just felt it, but didn't hear it.
Continuous lightning here at 730 pm, from about three directions, no breaks just constant lightning. An amazing light show. Streaks of lightning shoot up from the base of the clouds upward into the storms then fingering outward in multiple directions. Really awesome!
Thursday, August 28, 2003
Well, after a night of storms it is nice out today! A bit warm BUT cooler weather IS coming!!! I can't wait.
Labor Day weekend is coming up, hope everyone has a good weekend and lots of fun! This is the "last weekend of Summer" :) Surely snow can't be far behind!
Took my grandmother out to eat this morning. We went to Crackle Barrel :) Her favorite restaurant. We then went to get her hair cut.
THE MOTION TO SUPPRESS HAS
BEEN FILED! THE CLOCK IS NOT TICKINGCOURT IS NEXT FRIDAY.
CIRCUIT COURT OF JEFFERSON COUNTY, ALABAMA
STATE OF ALABAMA
MOTION TO SUPPRESS
This was just sent to me :)
Well finally someone that appreciates fine food :) John and I went to Ryans! Buffet and everything. John told me all about his trip to Colorado with his youth group from church. Sounds like he had a great time. The scenery out there is beautiful! Nothing like Colorado - well maybe Vermont (one of my favorite states). I have driven through Colorado (with Phillip) but I have never visited longer than a day (we had a flat tire in the mountains).
Friday, August 29, 2003
There are many heroes in my life right
now. There have been heroes all along
I listened today to Mariah Carey's song "Hero" and David you were on my mind
Hero /Mariah Carey
"There's a hero
Ok well looks like a stormy 48 hours around here. A cold front to the north, lots of heavy rain.
Going to be out of town tonight until Sunday Morning not planning on posting much.
Ok well have a GREAT HOLIDAY WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!!!!
Sunday, August 31, 2003
SEPTEMBER IS ALMOST HERE! Can you believe that! This summer has gone by so fast :( :) Fall will soon be here!
I had a great weekend in Nashville, met some new friends and had fun. Took some really neat photographs. The photos were taken at the Vietnam Memorial. This is located in downtown Nashville. I will publish them next week to my web-site!
My mother sent me an ecard today one
portion of the ecard said
The Meadow - by beau dodson
I am in a meadow, not just any meadow
mind you, but a meadow that is filled with flowers. In every direction
you look are flowers. It looks as if someone has dripped
their watercolors over a canvas. Splashes of orange, splashes of yellow, splashes
flowers are everywhere.
As I look up, to say goodbye, I see the sky, it is a rich blue in color and dotted across it are puffy white clouds. It is as if they are watching me as they slowly drift away.
I feel as if I have been transported
into another world. I have invaded a space that was never meant to be walked
upon, only looked upon. I am where I am not supposed to be. But I
am drawn here.
I have to be here, this is the
place, the place I have been looking for - for that final painting the ending
of this chapter.
Derek Beau Dodson